The Question Nobody Asked the Leader

"How are things going?"

It's a perfectly reasonable question.

It's also not necessarily the question I mean.

Leaders get asked about the project, the numbers, the team, the deadline, the difficult conversation they've been avoiding and whether they've made a decision yet.

They're asked whether everyone else is okay.

They're asked what happens next.

They're asked to have a plan.

What they're often not asked is, "How are you making sense of all this?"

There is a difference.

Because a leader can be functioning perfectly well on the outside while quietly carrying a lot on the inside. They might be dealing with uncertainty they can't share yet, making decisions that affect people's lives or trying to stay steady while they themselves aren't entirely sure what comes next.

And because they are the leader, there can be an unspoken expectation that they should simply be able to handle it.

So they do.

They keep going.

They make the decision.

They reassure everyone else.

Then they go home and carry on thinking about it.

This is one of the reasons I believe having a safe space to think is so valuable for leaders. Not because they are incapable of coping and not because every difficult moment needs to become a problem to solve, but because being responsible for other people can make it surprisingly difficult to find somewhere to put your own thoughts.

A coach isn't there to take the weight away.

They aren't there to have all the answers either.

Sometimes they are simply the person who can sit with you while you work out what you actually think, without needing you to reassure them, impress them or arrive at the conversation already knowing what to do.

And perhaps that's the question more leaders need to hear.

Not, "Have you got this?"

But, "Have you had any space to think about how you are doing?"

#Leadership #LeadershipDevelopment #ExecutiveCoaching #ThinkingSpace #PeopleLeadership #LeadershipCoaching